Today was spent steeped in memories and moving furniture. The @grouchy_historian And I have been working on de-cluttering our home for the last few months. We’ve been intentional and slow, working through boxes from storage and the attic, choosing what to keep and what to give away, both of us seeking a leaner lifestyle. Today we landed in Courtney’s room.
We have chosen to stay in the present moment as much as we are able, as we walk toward the 27 of Dec. If tears come, that’s OK, it simply means Courtney was loved deeply and the pain of her passing is still with us. It always will be.
We weren’t sure what to do with her space. We won’t be painting until the spring or summer so the teal wall color is staying for now. We have always desired an office space we could share and it felt right to create that in her room.
This is a sacred space. This is where I wrote most of “Be Brave in The Scared” on an old kitchen table stuck in the corner surrounded by storage boxes. This space, where our daughter took her last breath, called out for a little love and today, we answered the call.
Bookcases culled from another room, chairs from @ikeausa , the old kitchen table for Jerry’s desk, a rug from @target , and a table from the garage for my desk. Same curtains and some of the same wall art from when she was alive.
Finally, blankets others made for her, that I used to wrap her in to keep her warm, gently draped over the backs of the chairs and her Navy hat and orange chicks hanging on the lamp. Reminders that she is still very present in our home.
To lose a child is to face your very worst nightmare, but there is life still to live and love still to give, so we let go of the old yo usher in something new. God will handle the rest.
Today we chose the future over the past, with the live shared within our family still very present sighing these walls. Courtney may be gone, but she will never be forgotten.