Start here…at the beginning…
Last night I actually felt hunger pains.
Like actual pains in my tummy.
I cannot tell you the last time I was actually physically hungry.
I know. Scary right?
I have been an over eater for so long, I have never really been hungry when I sit down for a meal. I just sit and eat out of habit.
How sad is that? What an abuse of my body.
I am learning in these early days of this challenge, that I have spent too many years just surviving. I know, I know, it’s what had to be done. With a special needs child’s intensive care being the number one priority in our home, my own health and wellness issues have been buried for quite some time.
Survival was key and survive we did. Not only survive but I think we even thrived during our time with our Courtney. There was joy and so much love. Now that she is in heaven, I still have ALL that love to give and it has to go somewhere. I thinks that’s one of my current problems, is filling my time, intentionally, with good things, positive things, healthy things.
Instead of stuffing my grief and boredom down my throat via potato chips and brownies.
It’s rainy, cold and wet here in NoVa today and I have dinner in the crock-pot, the laundry is going and there is Vivaldi playing on the iPod. Jerry made a wonderful breakfast of bacon, eggs and hashbrowns.
We will have a cup of vegetable soup in a bit to tide us over until supper.
For the first time in a long time, it feels like enough. I have a meal plan in the works for next week so I keep myself focused and prepared. I am delving into the creative side of my brain preparing to write a book in the next few months AND I have been sewing again.
It feels good to create again. It feels good to be a homemaker again.
I have discovered the only time I think about food is a) when I am not prepared with a meal plan and b) when I am bored or feeling overwhelmed or rushed.
It’s like bi-polar food disease. The highs and lows are what challenge me and create situations where I make foolish choices. I mean I can’t avoid those situations all together. Life is life and I am far from perfect. BUT I can learn a new way of thinking that allows me to use logic instead of emotion.
For today, logic is winning. For today.