|Jman and his Grandma L.|
Hey Everyone –
We are still here, I promise. The last few days have been a bit crazy filled with visiting family, lots of seizures for Courtney and more naps for Mama.
We enjoyed a weekend visit from Jerry’s parents and sister. It was a lovely time. There were many rounds of Dominoes and Blitz played late into the night. Miss Courtney was loved on all weekend long and when they left on Monday morning, the final goodbyes were difficult. Even so, I am glad God allowed that time with them. It was a beautiful gift and one Jerry and I will always treasure.
We have some good news to share. It looks like Jerry has been put on a short term project which means he will be employed until Dec. 1. His boss has been so good about working hard to find a place for Jerry to land within the company. He knows about Miss Courtney’s situation and has been very sensitive to the fact that our time with her is short. It’s not a permanent job fix but it does give us some breathing room for the next six weeks or so.
|The Clan minus one…|
God will figure out the rest. He has covered us up to this point and I have no doubt he will continue to do so. So keep those prayers coming my friends. There is a plan. We just need to the Good Lord to reveal it to us.
Now for the not so good news. Our girl is fighting hard to finish the job God sent here to do. She now weighs 72 pounds and having more breakthrough seizures each day. Some days are better than others. We spend most days snuggling together in our favorite chair in the living room as she sleeps on and off throughout the day.
I cherish these hours with her. They remind me so much of when she was first born and diagnosed with seizures. We would rock for hours in the old wooden rocker my Grandparents gave me. I loved that chair. I think back on that time when I felt so powerless to change anything and was completely at a loss for how the care for my girl.
How ironic that I am now in the same place at the end of her life as I was at the beginning, except that now I know a peace that I didn’t then. I love this child with a deep abiding love that has grown exponentially over the years. I love her brother with that same deep love. It’s what happens to us as mothers. The fact that your heart can grow to contain enough love for more than one person is a true gift from God.
I don’t know what the end will look like for our sweet Courtney. It is my prayer that she she just falls asleep in the Blessed Mothers arms and flies straight to heaven. I think she has more than earned that peaceful exit.
I have moments of deep grief where I pour my heart out to God in the midst of tears that don’t want to stop. Then I have times of peace and quiet in my heart and feel nothing but joy for the fact that soon, my daughter will no longer suffer and be locked away in a body that will not do what she wants it to do.
It’s a crazy place to be for sure, but then this is me we are talking about, so a little crazy is always present.
The funeral home is taken care of and yesterday I went with my BFF and Miss E to pick out a few funeral flower arrangements for the altar and such. The last things on our “to do” list involves putting together photos for the wake and reception and last, choosing a head stone. I think we may wait on the headstone though. It’s a bit much for me to handle right now and I want to make the right choices for Courtney.
For today, we wait and keep vigil with our girl knowing that God is not done writing her story. He has chosen the time and the day that our sweet girl will go home to Him, her beloved.
Until then we love…deeply…with grace…and abundant mercy…knowing that one day, our arms will be empty.
and taking care of her final arrangements**