We are home. We are all fed and have all slept. Miss Courtney is no longer seizing. That can change at any moment but for now, we have even gotten a few smiles. God is so very good.
After my last few posts, my email and other social media blew up with so many of you sending love and oceans and oceans of prayers our way. Know that they were heard loud and clear. Our daughter was surrounded with so much love as were Jerry and I.
On Sunday morning when Courtney and I were alone in her hospital room waiting for my mother to arrive with Holy Communion, I climbed into her bed with her. I needed to hold my girl after all that had transpired and empty my heart to her.
Just the two of us in a dark room. No interruptions by medical staff, no more meds to take, just Mama and her girl. I put my phone on Pandora and pulled up one of my favorite channels, Christian artist Audrey Assad. Music really helps me channel my feeling sometimes, so Miss Courtney and I were going to have a little praise and worship church session.
The first song was “You Speak” by Audrey Assad. Oh sweet molly the words just opened me right up. The opening verse just hit my heart and I knew I was meant to hear them in that moment:
Needless to say, I wept. I wept hard. I even blew my nose in Courtney’s hospital blanket since I knew we were taking her home. My little way of being a rabble rouser. I begged God in my head “Just tell me what to do and I will do it. No matter what.Just tell me.” I was quietly crying holding Courtney and telling her how proud I was of her and how much I loved her. She had taught me so much about love and life. The next song came on to my phone and my breath caught.
It was “Love Never Fails” by Brandon Health. It was played at Jerry’s and my 25th Anniversary Mass last summer. It is a song very close to our hearts. It just talks about how love is what life is all about. These words came and I sang them to my girl:
My Courtney smiled!! She freaking smiled and laughed as that song was playing. I mean she smiled and laughed then she had a seizure then smiled and laughed, then had another seizure. It kept going throughout the song. She knew what was being sung, she knew that she would see His face and soon.