This one’s easy. Throw it out the window and enjoy a cupcake.
OK. That was easy. Have a great day!
Just kidding. The scale has been my nemesis for decades and I know I am not alone. When I was younger I could eat whatever I wanted and that number on the scale would not move. Then after I had my kids, my relationship with the scale began to change. It became a war of numbers and I was always on the losing side.
I have spent the majority of my adult life as a plus size woman. That is due to many factors not limited to my love of baking anything with chocolate. If you bake it, you have to eat it right? We won’t even discuss my intense desire for salty crunchy snacks late at night. My midsection and backside expanded through my twenties and into my thirties. I’d lose weight and then I’d gain it all back and more.
I was on that roller coaster for almost 20 years. Then my daughter died and I was diagnosed as being morbidly obese and a Type 2 Diabetic. Add in my family history of heart disease and colon/breast cancer and boy howdy you have got a winning situation there my friends. It was not good. Not at all. I decided in the Spring of 2015 that enough was enough. I declared war on my scale and this time the pounds were coming off.
I exercised six days a week. I jumped and jogged, did sit ups and push ups. I did burpees which, in my humble opinion, are truly from the devil. So much coordination was required and I felt completely inept. I followed a very strict diet for almost three months and I lost exactly…five pounds. FIVE POUNDS!! That’s it.
I had never been so angry or discouraged in my life. I was miserable and all the things I used to love like cooking and baking had become chores devoid of any joy. Who would have thought that three little numbers could hold such power over a life?
When I shared my struggles publicly I was inundated with offers from friends to join one accontability group or another or this protein shake or supplement. They all wanted the best for me but besides the fact that I did not have the bank to pay for all the extras, I knew deep down that I had to own this process from beginning to end. I had to do it by myself, for myself. It was mental game and for the first time in my life I felt strong enough to make my way through all the mental and emotional reasons why I was a plus size woman.
So I made a decision on that Friday in June of 2015. I threw away my scale. I donated every diet cookbook I had to the library used book sale. I culled through my DVD workout collection and kept only the ones I actually enjoyed working out to. I created a simple meal plan that my doctor approved of and I began to walk four to five times a week. I also started getting up and hour earlier and praying.
That’s all I did.
Over the course of the next six months, my clothes were looser and my face less puffy. My mid-section began to slowly deflate like a left over party balloon. I dug deep and journaled my way through some past hurts and trauma, seeking counsel when I felt I couldn’t handle the resulting heart pain on my own.
I watched what I ate but did not adhere to one particular program. When I wanted to have something salty and crunchy, I did. Not an entire bag of potato chips but a handful AND I did not feel bad about it at all. When the chocolate cupcakes whispered my name at the church picnic, I answered but only once. I took things one meal at a time. It was all I could handle then. It’s all I can handle now.
Slow and steady wins the race my friends. There are no quick fixes in life, just committed individuals willing to do the hard work in heart, mind and body, day in and day out.
In the last two years I have lost 50 pounds. I have another 50 to go and I feel confident that I will get there one day. I no longer wake up scared of the number on a scale or what that might say about my lack of self discipline or self-control. I am no longer afraid to go see the doctor. I get weighed when I go in for my check-ups and that’s it. I am no longer controlled by a metal box with a spinner. I have improved so much that now when I decide to have a cupcake I plan to walk an extra 30 minutes to cover it.
To me, it’s worth it to sweat for chocolate.
I have made my peace with the scale and it took losing my daughter and understanding the preciousness of life to make the changes necessary to break free from my inner demons. God is good and so is chocolate. I praise Him everyday I get to have both.
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