The above photo says it all.
Today I wore a pair of pants that has sequins on the back pockets.
I hate blingy butts and I cannot lie…
Come on…sing it with me…
Yes, you read that right. There were sequins on my butt!! It’s not like I need to advertise the widest part of my body anymore than I already do by the sheer fact that it is as wide as a barn.
Who thought this was a good idea? I mean it’s like I have a pair of headlights on my cheeks going “Yoohoo….look at these. Aren’t they purty”
I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say that NO woman over the age of forty OR anyone who is a little on the fluffy side of life wants to advertise their assets this way. Can I get an amen my full-figured friends??
So you may be wondering if I am so opposed to said blingy butts, why did I have a pair of said trousers on today?
Two months ago I went on a quest for a pair of white capris. You would have thought that this would have been a simple thing but alas, white is a very popular color in the summer time and so is the size I was looking for then. I didn’t find any I liked so I decided to wait and keep going forward with my weight loss plan.
Then I reached my first weight loss goal and went down another size in pants and decided that the time was finally right to try and find a pair. I looked high and low and all the ones I found were either low rider which looks totally ridic on me (I mean talk about a muffin top. Heck, I have a full three layer cake!) or they were very full in the leg. Since I am very full everywhere else but the leg, I wanted something more fitted.
I finally found a pair at Macy’s marked down and they were having a HUGE sale on top of that. They had tapered legs and looked really nice. Until I turned around, then I was blinded by the glare in the mirror.
UGH!!! Bling butt strikes again!!
So I went out onto the floor and searched again. Nothing.
I went home and searched online. Nothing.
I totally caved three days later on the last day of the sale and said a little prayer to God that if I was meant to have them He would make sure they were still there.
They were. So it is by Divine Providence that today, my bum was a reflector shield.
The moral of the story??? I have no idea. I just hate have shiny things on my tushy but I really do like my new white capris…until I turn around.
But then I don’t see them so I will just inflict all the visual pain on you.
Return to The Catholic Conspiracy