Well the first part of Courtney’s extreme makeover is done. Miss Courtney had one mole removed completely, one partial and three biopsied. She handled ALL of the needles and digging like a true champion. About halfway through she began to show signs of pain so the Doc offered to wait on removing the one from her face. It was not critical at this time, so we opted to wait two weeks and allow her to heal before putting her through more trauma today.
So we will go back for more fun in a few weeks. Yea…me….
We had a few hiccups the evening before the procedure. Jerry had taken the day off so that he could be there to help lift Courtney to and from her wheelchair. Unfortunately he got called in for a last minute meeting he could not miss.
The phone call went a little like this “Your mission Agent Lenaburg…should you chose to accept it…”
You get the picture. I was messed. Who could I get to help wrestle the alligator the next morning?
I could have taken Big Brother Jonathan, who had the morning off, except anytime that boy sees a needle you will find him face down on the floor. Not sure what would have happened once the scalpel came out…but I suspect it would have involved smelling salts and a lot of therapy. Needless to say, no help there.
That left me scrambling to find someone to go with me to help hold Miss C during the procedure. It’s like caging an octopus with this girl, so I knew I would need back-up.
I started down the list and landed on my friend Chrissy Lynn who was happy to help. By 6:30 a.m. coffee firmly in hand to avoid using photon torpedoes on my fellow commuters this morning we were on our way into the city for some serious medical fun.
Once we got there and had Miss Courtney all settled in, the slicing and dicing commenced.
Oh I’m sorry did you expect me to keep a serious face while discussing my daughters bum.
Ummm no…not possible…maybe next time…or not…
As the Doc placed the needle in my sweet girls bottom, Miss Courtney didn’t even jerk. No, I am not kidding you. Her pain tolerance is quite astonishing. She remained asleep…
As the Doc was slicing and digging (sorry but that’s what he did) my friend Chrissy Lynn decided it was time for a little levity.
“Holy moley (hee, hee) that thing is huge. She’s going to have a crater in her butt. maybe we should name it. After all, all the craters on the moon are named and since Courtney is currently “mooning” us, we should name the crater. Hmm, maybe Moonbeam Crater.”
My mouth dropped open in stunned silence wondering if my sweet friend had actually spoken aloud or had I accidentally dropped some acid in my coffee and now I was hallucinating about moons and craters.
The Doc, who looks like a combination of Ed Begley Jr and Beaker from the Muppets didn’t skip a beat.
“You have a point. The craters are named, the stars and constellations. We could name it.”
Hello people…we are talking about my sweet girls bum. Not the freaking moon!
There was laughter. Then the conversation got even more bazaar all while my baby girl slept.
“Or we could put a tatoo on her butt that says-‘Kilroy was here'”
I was wondering of course how I would explain to Jerry how Courtney got a tattoo on her butt…and of course I would worry if it was spelled right…a line from Steel Magnolias came to mind:
“The only thing I can say about his girlfriend is that her tattoos were spelled correctly”
Yes, I really love that movie.
Needless to say, now I was wondering exactly what kind of “herbs” were in Chrissy Lynn’s herbal tea…but since the doctor was now done with his archeological expedition, we managed to get all her boo-boos…or butt-boos…bandaged up and place her in her wheelchair.
Of course by now Courtney was awake and was giving us the “Exactly what the hell did you just do to me?” sort of look and I decided we’d better beet feet home.
So, home we came and the princess was placed in her royal bed, given some formula by G-tube, pain meds by mouth and promptly went to sleep.
Better living through chemistry is a rule we Lenaburgs live by.
This of course, was my cue for a little nap…..
The good news is that she is resting and handling the pain. It will be a tricky the next 48 hours with changing diapers and such, but I have every confidence that she will heal well.
Other good news is that she has gained .8 pounds. Wahoo!
Finally, we decided against the butt tattoo. I know my mother will breathe a side of relief.
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