|Me and my favorite Mom!|
Here are five reasons why my momma loves me:
1…because God said so! Well He did! It’s like written in this wonderful book called the BIBLE, it’s like a COMMANDMENT from the omnipotent, all-powerful GOD! Of course I have to gently remind her of this every once in awhile when I have done something particularly annoying to irritate the baloney out of her. She just bows her head and says “Fine. God wins!” Yea God!
2…because I can’t find my way out of a paper bag without expert navigational advice. Let me explain. When my mother and I go ANYWHERE we get lost. I am not kidding. We have in the past gotten lost driving back to my house, where I have lived for eleven years! We will miss an exit and end up two counties away. It’s like we have this special super power that says “Hey let’s go into D.C. for the day” and we end up in West Virginia. So she has to love me because,I mean really, she would have never seen the ENTIRE state of West Virginia without me!
3…because out of her eight children, I am her favorite. I mean come on, let’s just acknowledge the facts shall we. I am witty and pretty and gay (the “happy” gay that is). Yes, I know I just quoted Maria from West Side Story but it’s true! Wait one minute. Maria means Mary. SEE even Hollywood agrees with me! I am also the best daughter a woman could ask for. Let’s just say we forget everything I did from ages 12 to 17. I don’t remember a thing. Do you Mom? Don’t answer that, these people actually LIKE me!
4…because we share a common history. We both stuffed our bras in middle school to impress a boy and it was an utter humiliating disaster for each of us. We bra stuffers need to stick together. It’s like a secret society. Of course, I am still in therapy but that’s a story for another time.
5…because she taught me everything I know about baking. When I was in the seventh grade I wanted to bring a cake to school for my birthday. My Mom handed me her recipe file and said “You can figure it out. I have faith in you.” I chose to make a Martha Washington Cake. I was so proud…until I cut into at school and the middle was RAW! Amazingly some of the boys actually ate it. They ARE boys after all. Three cases of food poisoning later, she agreed that maybe I wasn’t quite as ready as she first thought. I am proud to say I am much better now (not counting the burnt toast for breakfast this morning. Hey, I was distracted by this cute boy in my kitchen. Hi honey!)
I love you Mom and I am honored to be your daughter. I hope one day my children feel about me the way I feel about you (that would be how I feel NOW and NOT how I felt in the sixth grade!)
Your loving and slightly insane daughter,
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