This morning I had the great pleasure of spending some time with a dear friend. What joy I felt as we walked and shared our hearts. The sky dark at first and then lit with the edges of the morning sun. This is precious time to me, being able to speak freely and honestly about my struggles and then to be able to listen to the same from my friend. I have come to treasure this time, for I know how difficult it is to set it aside from our busy lives.
After returning home and completing my morning chores and errands, I met with my spiritual director. I have recently discovered/acknowledged that I have a great need to “fix” things. To make everyone get along and agree. To remove conflict from personal and family relationships. The most difficult thing for me to do is submit.
I cannot “fix” it.
I must submit to God’s authority over the situation and hand it over to Him to heal. This is a huge problem for me. One that leads me into grave sin at times and one that needs to change, today! My director gave me an assignment for Lent when we met last month. I have been faithful to that and it has garnered much fruit.
What was it? The Lenten “Love Dare”.
One day at a time, I am learning to submit and actively make the choice to love and be patient. To be willing to place someone else’s needs or wants above my own, even when everything in me says It’s not fair! Why do I always have to bend! I sound like a spoiled toddler. I can only imagine what God sees when those moments happen. It’s not pretty, I can tell you that.
I am slowly learning that Lent is all about rebuilding my relationship with Jesus Christ. By doing this, every other relationship I have reeps the benefits. It’s about learning to love deeper and more earnestly. It’s about embracing whatever frustration or heartache I have in my life, today right now, and giving it lovingly back to God. To walk with joy amidst the pain. This is not easy, but my footsteps are filled with the grace and mercy of my Redeemer.
I went to confession which gave me such a sense of peace. I started thinking about my relationship with God. Is it as important as the one with my dear friend? Do I set aside the time to talk and then listen to what He needs to tell me? Do I confess and ask forgiveness for my pride and arrogance in thinking that I can “fix” anything without His intervention? My answers are my own, held in the silence of my heart. God knows them and I continue to walk toward Him, one step at a time.
I am looking forward to Easter in a way that I never have before. I know I am not alone. Trying to change is hard work, whether it’s spiritual or physical.When your trying to do both, then it’s a REAL Lenten sacrifice! Sometimes life just plain stinks and then the sun breaks through the clouds and the glory of God’s plan is revealed. So, I leave you with this thought. How much does God love you and me? From one scarred hand to another!
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